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“I feel pretty, oh so pretty.”

In preparation for Folsom Street Fair last weekend, I decided I would get a full Brazilian bikini  and eyebrow wax. I did keep the rest of my leg and armpit hair though. I am a body hair switch and to be honest most of the time it’s out of laziness. I view body hair as an accessory and will keep or change it based on how I feel that day and what I am wearing.

But I digress.

Holy hell did I forget how insanely horrible it feels (to me) to have hot wax poured on my genitals, then have my pubes ripped out only to have this followed up by some heavy handed plucking of the remaining hairs with some blunt ass tweezers. I heart the woman who did this to me mainly because it is more than obvious that she is a complete sadist. Ah Judy.  She was laughing the entire time only to comment on how “deep” and “thick” the roots of my follicles were. Thanks Judy, I noticed. She is truly amazing. Here are some of her fantastic quotes:

I wince, muttering obscenities under my breath…

” God? God won’t help you, only Judy can help you now.”

“Hey, so when I pull this, you say ROCK AND ROLL.”

Crying… “rock and roll.”

“One time I was waxing this guys back and he kept screaming ‘OBAMA’.”

“Another time he asks if he was bleeding” … laughter…” NO, you’re not bleeding.”

amazing.

Why did I wax in the first place? Because I was hoping to get my junk sutured shut for the day and it’s easier for me to suffocate people with it without hair on it.

Considering how much pro doms make an hour, Judy is severely underpaid, but I’m pretty sure she gets a kick out of her job and that’s pretty much the best we all can really ask isn’t it? I try to tip her generously, because I appreciate a true sadist.

I think about this and how common it is … for grown “vanilla” adults to pay to have complete stranger pour hot wax on them and rip out their body hair in large quantities so they can achieve that desired look, beauty if you will, so they can be told how pretty and smooth they are.

Praise bottoms.

We’ll I guess I am more of a degradation top, but you can bet your ass I enjoy the beauty of marks left behind, reddened skin and the

sensitivity it brings.

I had lunch with my mom right before Folsom. She is at the age and cultural demographic where collagen shots are all the rage. My aunt, similar in age, has spent over 100K under the knife of plastic surgeon. All in the name of beauty. Taking this all into consideration, paying $300 plus for a good flogging or to be wrapped in latex and told what a “pretty little slut” you are doesn’t seem all that kinky. To me, it seems like a pretty comparable rate and experience one might find at a day spa.

Beauty really just is another word for “bottoms’ high.”

If you’ve seen Crash Pad Cutie Vai in action, you’d know she’s quite the gusher. Female ejaculation is a beautiful feat.

To celebrate, here is a photographic ode to Vai’s abundant prostata femina.

To see a REAL fountain show, check out Vai on CrashPadSeries.com (NSFW).

Check out a sneak peak of the next Crash Pad Series episode behind the scenes.